Ratbusters Anonymous - All Forums

Living In Sobriety Part IV...

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:02:27 -0500

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, friends. Here's the link to LIS part III...

http://www.ratbustersanonymous.com/forum...ge-50.html

Don't Quit Part 2

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 07:35:03 -0500

the Dont Quit Rides On!

here's the link to the last part

http://www.ratbustersanonymous.com/forum...l#pid68189

and refuse to quit today for sure

Remembering Paul O. (Who Wrote P. 449)

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:24:51 -0500

In the wake of my last post here, about the "original Big Book," I've been harking back to the decade of the Eighties. For one thing, I've been enjoying the memory of attending a speaker meeting in Southern California and announcing that I was a visitor from Pennsylvania.

Afterwards I found myself talking with man small of stature and with glasses who had some connection with Penna. (though I can't remember what). Come to find out that it was was Paul Ohliger, "Dr. Paul," who wrote the chapter "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict," which contains the much-quoted passage on acceptance. (In the 4th edition of the B.B., his chapter is entitled "His Answer Was Acceptance.)

Part of my amusement with this, I must admit, was because I then moved to Calif. and got to know Paul and his wife "Max." In fact, we attended the same speaker meeting Sundays at the Pomona Valley Hospital and sometimes ate dinner beforehand at a Sizzler Steakhouse.

I think it's called irony, but the funny part is that Paul himself didn't name the chapter that; the General Service Office applied the title "Doctor, Alchoholic, Addict" because the folks there wanted a way to address all the people taking pills around the Program. His one sentence, "Today, I feel I have used up my right to chemical peace of mind." (p. 448), probably had more to do with the publishing of that chapter than anything else.

In short, the man renowned for acceptance around AA was not accepting of the new title given to his chapter. Those who don't know, he originally he wrote that chapter with the title "Bronzed Moccasins" and I can tell you, as I got to know him, he was not happy with the change.

You can listen to people at discussion meetings, I have found, and get one side of their personality. Speaker meetings tend to give another, perhaps a more formal side. But you get a whole other view when you talk to somebody over garden salad and baked potato.

Paul and I hit it off because he was a student of AA's history and we talked some about this. I also got to quiz him about various aspects of his chapter, including the origins of the famous passsage on acceptance (he took the "acceptance part" of the Serenity Prayer to the extreme in writing it, he explained, and downplayed the "change part.") He was a great speaker, a great guy and, perhaps what I admired about him most, he worked the Program.

Once at that same steakhouse, a bunch of us got worked up over some issue from the speaker meeting and Paul popped off at me pretty well, for something I had said. This caused me embarrassment as it happened in front of six or seven others. But as we paid our tabs and gathered to walk out, Paul came up and apologized. He executed the 10th step, in other words, and he did it in front of the same people who had witnessed his little tirade. (That's right, even the "acceptance guy" lost it now and then. On that same note, he and his wife also caused a fair amount of contoversy around the meetings there, which, my friends, is another story.)

At any rate, rather than go on about Paul and his views I often refer people to his last interview in the Grapevine (July 1995). Better to get it straight from the horse's mouth, and all that. Here's one link, I'm sure there are others: http://www.barefootsworld.net/aadrpaul1995.html

This is the man, as I remember him, even the subtle sense of humor comes through in the interview.

Singleness of purpose

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:34:25 -0500

“I am an alcoholic. I have a drug history as long as my alcoholism, but I am not an addict. The stories I have heard of addicts, gamblers, and so on elicit sympathy from me, but do not reach that place in me of identification that I find in the story of another alcoholic- that place where I actually begin to feel the pain experienced by the speaker and relate his experience to my own. Thank God you had alcoholics speak to me of alcoholism when I came into AA. Because identification is so vital to the recovery of alcoholics like myself, I do not wish to risk weakening my effectiveness by speaking of my drug use in an AA meeting.
“We alcoholics come with many “related disorders” of drugs, gambling, overeating, sex, depression, anxiety, and so on, but by choosing to join AA we have chosen a common ground on which to relate to one another- alcoholism and recovery from alcoholism. Given the diversity of people and problems in AA, the unity necessary to function as a group would be impossible and our effectiveness with newcomers diminished if we did not keep our focus on our common problem. I have to relate myself to the group as a whole for my own recovery and the recovery of those I would help. I would hate to see the day in AA where an alcoholic’s chance to recover was dependent upon whether we had the “right” person with the “right” set of problems for him that day on the answering service, Twelve Step call, and so on. I would hate to see the day when any real alcoholic finds himself unable to relate to a speaker or discussion due to too much talk of problems other than alcoholism that he does not possess. I want every alcoholic to have the chance I had to enter an AA meeting and come to realize, as I did, that “those people are like me and maybe if I do what they did it will work for me too.”

GOD CAN NOT DO ALL THINGS SO WHAT GOOD IS HE?

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:19:20 -0500

When Children Ask About God, Harold Kushner

There are things which the divine force we label God cannot do. He cannot act in violation of a law of Nature since 1 of the manifestations of God in the world resides in the orderliness and immutability of the laws of Nature. He cannot compel men to be good rather than bad, nor can He protect them from the consequences of their actions, or the consequences other people's actions have for them.

Strictly speaking. God never punishes men, if we take punishment to mean an unpleasant experience not stemming directly from what a person does, but inflicted from without to teach a person to refrain from the act. In the world of God and man there is no punishment; there are only consequences. If a child plays with matches and 1 ignites and burns his hand--that is a consequence. If he plays with matches and his mother takes them away and slaps his hand--that is punishment. Punishment always involves another party's disapproval and deliberate intervention; consequences flow impersonally from the nature of an act itself.

This means that a person who falls from the roof of a building will probably die, no matter what his reasons were for being on the roof or falling from it. If, in 1 miraculous case out of a 1,000, he comes out of it with nothing more than a broken leg it is not because God decided that he should live while 999 others died, but is due solely to physical--natural causes.

It means that a man who exposes himself to contagious diseases runs a risk of contracting the disease, even if he is doing it for the noblest of reasons. Contagion does not distinguish between a doctor trying to stem an epidemic and a criminal burglarizing the home of a sick man.

On any number of occasions, I've gone to the hospital to visit a congregant who had been in a serious automobile accident but emerged from it with only minor injuries. Usually, the person will say something like, If I could go through that and come out alive there must be a God! At the time, I'm usually not inclined to argue theology with the person, but I obvious sly can't accept the notion that 1 man survived because God chose to spare him any more than I can the idea that another died because God wanted him to die. Had this patient been killed in the crash as many perfectly fine and loveable people are, would that therefore mean there is no God? Either God is real or He isn't. Either our world is built around certain possibilities and relationships, or it isn't. Only a childish notion of God--as-heavenly Puppeteer who determines what happens to us gives us leave to believe in God only when a tragedy happens to someone else and to decide there is no God when it touches us.< br>
God does not punish. What we gratuitously call acts of God are sometimes acts of destructive men and sometimes acts of blind, inflexible Nature. The obvious, and very important, question which must be asked at this point is, If God doesn't cause these things, and if He can't prevent them, what good is He?

What good is God in a world where tragic and undeserved fates befall people at random? Well, 1st of all, He gives us a stable and orderly world, a world in which things conform to regular laws, so that we can learn to understand these laws and use them. Sometimes--when a President Kennedy is shot or a relative of ours suffers from an incurable disease--we may find ourselves wishing that the natural laws of the world were less regular, that they would change in selected, worthy cases. But would we really find the world more live able if the law of gravity sometimes applied and sometimes didn't, if the heart sometimes needed to pump blood and didn't at others, if neither physician nor scientist could get standard results from standardized procedures? Not only is there no power capable of overriding the laws of nature, but a world not based on cause and effect would be even harder to live in than a world of occasional tragedy.

Secondly, God has helped men discover ways of minimizing tragedy, through understanding and controlling Nature's laws, through learning from experience--their own and the teachings of others--which actions lead to undesirable consequences. To the extent that Man uses his intelligence and develops his conscience, he turns to God in order to reduce chaos and misfortune. When man becomes more godly, when he spends more of his resources on medical research and care for the needy, when he no longer teaches other men to despise their neighbors and themselves, there will be fewer tragic acts of God on earth.

And thirdly--what good is God in a world where misfortune occurs so frequently? He gives men the power to overcome tragedy and find reasons for going on with life. He moves men to comfort and bereave, to give each other new strength and faith. Disaster, accident sudden death are not acts of God. The results of men to rebuild their lives after disaster is the true act of God.

page 76, paragraph 1, line 7

Why did God let it happen? God doesn't make things happen, or let them happen. God does not judge or punish. He doesn't distribute a minimum of quota of tumors and heart attacks each day, choosing His victims until He has used up a day's supply of misfortune! He doesn't mark certain people for illness and disaster, and others for health and prosperity. Things happen for natural reasons, some of which we understand and some of which we don't. The human body is a very complicated entity; many things have to go right for it to be healthy and it is easy for some little thing to go wrong. That doesn't mean God judges you and gives you what you deserve.

God doesn't punish people; He helps people when they get hurt. A lot of very wonderful people have bad things happen to them, sometimes through no fault of their own, sometimes because they are careless for just a little while and the laws of Nature don't make any exception because they were good people. When misfortune happens, they call upon God and find the strength and the courage to go on living and working and make the most of their situation.

Can God put back a severed leg, or reverse the course of an incurable disease? No, He can't. There are laws of Nature which are the same always for all people. Sometimes, an apparently incurable disease does suddenly disappear, but it happens so rarely and arbitrarily--and not necessarily to the most religious or most moral people or to those who could contribute most to the world--that we say, God has chosen to intervene.

God does give men the intelligence and the desire to help others--so that they invent artificial limbs and search for drugs to cure or slow down disease. He gives the suffering person and his family the strength to console each other and go on living.

page 81

If you believe that God causes everything in this world and if you also believe Him to be a just and moral God, then you must follow these assumptions to their logical conclusion: that people get what they deserve and therefore misfortune is divine punishment. (Unless you prefer the grotesque absurdity that God afflicts some people with blindness so as to provide others with opportunities for charity.) This puts charity and compassion on very uncertain footing: why, indeed, should we be kinder then God? Helping those whom God has chosen to afflict would be uncalled for, perhaps even rebellion against His will. Once we free ourselves of the obligation to explain every calamity as God's will, as justified in His sight, we are free to say that misfortunes befall men for all sorts of reasons--some of human origin, some accidental. The most useful question for our purpose is not, Why did it happen? but, Now that it has happened, what can we do about it?

page 83, paragraph 1, line 7

Ro's weight-loss thread

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:58:32 -0500

I'm starting this thread to track my progress losing weight and abstaining from junk food.

I weighed in today and have lost nearly 10 lbs since January 25th. I feel good, my pants are looser and my moods aren't all over the place now that I'm not relying heavily on sugar.

I've also been exercising, usually 4-5 times a week, and nothing too strenous.

Feel free to jump on and share your own weight-loss goals.

New member~first posting

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:07:28 -0500

Hi I'm Fandy, newly sober for 3 weeks, thanks for showing me this site. hope to speak to everyone later today....

Singleness of purpose

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 04:02:41 -0500

Singleness of purpose

“I am an alcoholic. I have a drug history as long as my alcoholism, but I am not an addict. The stories I have heard of addicts, gamblers, and so on elicit sympathy from me, but do not reach that place in me of identification that I find in the story of another alcoholic- that place where I actually begin to feel the pain experienced by the speaker and relate his experience to my own. Thank God you had alcoholics speak to me of alcoholism when I came into AA. Because identification is so vital to the recovery of alcoholics like myself, I do not wish to risk weakening my effectiveness by speaking of my drug use in an AA meeting.
“We alcoholics come with many “related disorders” of drugs, gambling, overeating, sex, depression, anxiety, and so on, but by choosing to join AA we have chosen a common ground on which to relate to one another- alcoholism and recovery from alcoholism. Given the diversity of people and problems in AA, the unity necessary to function as a group would be impossible and our effectiveness with newcomers diminished if we did not keep our focus on our common problem. I have to relate myself to the group as a whole for my own recovery and the recovery of those I would help. I would hate to see the day in AA where an alcoholic’s chance to recover was dependent upon whether we had the “right” person with the “right” set of problems for him that day on the answering service, Twelve Step call, and so on. I would hate to see the day when any real alcoholic finds himself unable to relate to a speaker or discussion due to too much talk of problems other than alcoholism that he does not possess. I want every alcoholic to have the chance I had to enter an AA meeting and come to realize, as I did, that “those people are like me and maybe if I do what they did it will work for me too.”

The Plates Overflowing; i.e changes because of sobriety

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 03:53:22 -0500

I'm Kathy and I'm an alcoholic.

A couple of months ago I found myself with an overloaded plate of service work. EEK! I also found myself with 3 3000+ word research papers to write two of which were due on the same day. Prior to sobriety it would have been the perfect reason to go on one of my 24 hour binges, 3 to 4 fifths of 100 proof or better in the same amount of hours; however, that has changed. Instead of heading for the nearest bar, there are three within one block of here and none have seen me though I admit I'd like to get into the Cherry Lounge around about lunch time as their meals are four star rated. Its not going to happen under my power though as w/c access is not to be had and its in an historic building that doesn't have to do ADA access.

The option to drink did a fly through and was quashed immediately. I talked with HP; listed and slept on it. Got up the next morning, finished and turned in the first research paper which promptly crashed. I was using a new WP protocol that I had not installed and didn't know that the back-up was not set. Called the folks who installed it and tried what the suggested to retrieve it; no go. Let my instructor know what had happened and requested an incomplete as I was going to have to rewrite the entire paper. I then emailed the instructor of the one paper asked for an extension and received a week. I got the one turned in and let the other instructor know that I would begone from the 17th until the 30th but she would have her paper by the 7th of January. I received "Enjoy your Holidays" and we will wait for the papers. The one was turned in by the seventh; I landed up rewriting the one on the Anasazi, and pulled that course out of the fire, The incomplete cost me my good academic standing and dropped me out of the January term. Since this college runs 5 terms, May, September, November, January, and March, I was able to get the last research paper turned in, received a 95 on it and the comment that I had missed an attribution in the early part but that it was more than long enough. The final comment was that the more she read the more she became fascinated. With the paper in and the incomplete off my record I am starting the March term on the 8th and will finish July 2nd though I will try to get everything turned in by the 27th of June as I will definitely be going to San Antonio for the International. If i can't will ask for an extension again.

The other result of that conversation with HP was the dropping of 3 of the seven AA email groups I was involved in and the adding of a third highly active one.

Yes, the plate was overflowing but it didn't have to stay that way and reducing my amount of service work was copacetic since it was done with the aid of HP.

Religion is Personal

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 22:09:41 -0500

~RELIGION IS PERSONAL~

I feel we are getting away from AA's "Higher Power," "God as we understood Him" concept. Recently, I have heard opening-meeting prayers in Jesus Christ's name, and the Bible referred to as not being a religion but bringing the same message as the one in our Big Book.

Not that I see anything wrong with anyone else's belief. But to me, it is personal. Anything other than the "Higher Power" stressed within our Fellowship tends to limit us and to keep away some of those who may want to seek us out for help.

My understanding is that when the manuscript of the Big Book was written, it was decided that "Higher Power"and "God as we understand Him" be adopted.

Belief in some "power greater than ourselves" was seen to be vital, but only as it came to each of us individually.

The newcomer is the important one in AA, and I recentlly learned from a newcomer that some religious references were disturbing to him. I guess all I am really trying to say is:

Lets keep it simple; it works so well.

Grapevine ~ J.R. Chatham, Ontario

Eddie Thatcher

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:58:51 -0500

Is the one that 12 step Bill Wilson where you all aware of this or is just I am learning from studying?

Something from my Sponsor...

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 23:49:24 -0500

It's a simple program for complicated people. This statement does not say it's easy, but we find it simple as long as the step process and a higher power help us lead a decent, sober life. For example, acceptance is sometimes easier said than done - doing the next right thing isn't always humanly possible (thank God for a 10th step which offers us an opportunity to review our own actions and make immediate amends) - and not regretting the past (but still having it come back to haunt us in recovery) is not the most comforting feeling at times. But at the end of the day, the goal of A.A. is simply to help us achieve sobriety - both physically without the obsession for a drink and mentally where we find a renewed sense of self-respect.

I mention the simplicity today because the Daily Reflections for today and tomorrow are centered around one simple thought for each day - IT WORKS and HOPE. As long as I keep faith in my program and live it to the best of my ability, another successfully sober 24 hours is promised to be the end result (they come true before we half way thru).

Anyway, my Quotes list today is compiled of simple thoughts I have heard and shared in meetings lately. As usual, nothing original - what we hear and share in the rooms are often regurgitated pieces of positive motivation:

* Sobriety is the absence of fantasy.. we begin to live in reality.
* If your life needs changing.. start with your own attitude and outlook upon life.
* Avoid insanity by ceasing to keep repeating the things that complicate ur life.
* Peace of mind is the ability to be by myself without being lonely.
* God gives me what I need.. not always what I want.
* When one goal is achieved set ur sights on the next one so you dont get comfortable or stale. Keep moving forward.
* Be content with what you have now or else there will be no appreciation of achieving your next goals.
* Today I work on balance and acceptance- never fear having too much or worry about not having enough.
* Our character defects can become assets if we change our actions. Example: addictive personality can be good or bad.
* If u want more.. do more and you'll get more.
* No God.. no peace -- Know God.. know peace.
* I'm gonna live forever... so far so good ;)

Welcome Polytropos

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 21:17:44 -0500

welcome to the family Polytropos

just parooze around, and make yourself right at home.

Repeat Offender Luckyv2 AKA Chance AKA Vic

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:26:47 -0500

Chance AKA Vic
Well Maybe I should start by giving this site a piece of me personally.

My name is Vic and I am a alcoholics of sorts. I am also what is classified as a "Repent Offender". I have many things that I struggle with in life, many physical, mental, and spiritual issues. I lost many of those things because of my choices in life.

I've been married and divorced three times In my life. The first two marriages didn't even last a year. The third and bless her heart, stayed with me for 15 years. They say that there is the one in your life especially designed for you, and I always thought and still am sure that Shelley was mine. But because of my Alcoholism and the choices that I've made I lost her back in 2001.

That year I was busted for possession of a controlled substance (meth) and armed robbery. I do want you to know right now that I really even don't remember this even up to today. No excuse. I was than in jail back at this time I was making around 120,000 plus a year. We were financially set if I didn't use. During most of our time I was sober, because she said to me one day, "Vic, you can smoke your pot but I don't want you to drink, you turn into someone that I don't want." I kept that promise, and I never did any meth either. Well

Somewhere in July 2000 I started using meth. First hiding it from her than like I am getting her to use with me. I ended up getting busted on the July 0f 2001. I did a plea bargin with the courts and got 3 years of ISP (Intensified Supervised Probation, court cost fees, and a fine. I had one assurance during my probation where I relapsed. I got a sanction on that but I still had to start my sobriety over.

I finished with my out-patient treatment, and continued down to nothing but staying sober. I went to all the meetings I could attend, had bowling parties for our group, went on picknicks just everything you would enjoy doing and I was very happy. I remember when I first got in the program after the wife kicked me out of the house I lived in a two bedroom trailer, trashed, had running water but no gas or electric. So I carried water in, I bought a rec-center pass so I could shower daily, that was like $40.00 for a 3 month pass back than. I did whatever I had to do and I was VERY Happy.

Than my health turned on me and I couldn't work anymore. I've tried and tried to get work but the way it is now, I would have to have a in-home job to make a living which I am trying to do.

woops got side tracked Tongue

Anyways I was sober for 25 months 15 days and so many hours when I relapsed and that wasn't until my Sister Marie who died got taken to Lincoln to the Madonna Rehabilitation Hospital I started to drink a little, and that took me right into Meth. I tried it in Lincoln and didn't get high, I talked with my close mouth friend and he said it was my choice to start my day over or not. I didn't but in November or December after I moved back from Lincoln, (oh yeah I moved there to be closer to her but my breathing couldn't take the humbity) and I went down and got me a bottle of Canadian Springs and a 6 pack of bud bottles. I was smoking pot too also I had to give up my sites cause of this. I once had 6 sites that were doing very well!

So I didn't start using the meth until March or April of this year, but that wasn't my intentions, I went down to buy a 6 pack of beer to call my nerves. Next thing I know is I am shooting up dope after being off of it for long time. I was on it and I wanted to die, homicide, suicide it didn't matter. I just wanted someone to push me off of the fence I was on and I didn't care which side I feel on.

I started running away from me. I was in a place that wasn't good for me to be in. I did a lot of wrong things during this period in which I still could get into a lot of trouble about. But I am not running. I am here. You are here. Now I think this is what you have been wanting from me my friend and I hope that this explains a lot.

I don't want any sympathy. If you look that up in the dictionary it is in between shit and Sisyphus J/K maybe though. So

I asked my case worker and she gave me a couple of website names that she knows is legit and I could get paid for like typing or something for them so I am going to go check that out as well. I just want to be self-supporting the rest of my life, It is my turn to quit taking and start giving.

Thanks for allowing me to share.

With Love and Respect

Retread

Vic

WHAT IS FAITH?

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:37:13 -0500

What is faith? It is complete trust and loyalty to God that results in a willingness to do His will. Faith is not something we use to put on a show for others. It is complete and humble obedience to God's will. Readiness to do whatever He calls. The amount of faith isn't as important as the right kind of faith--faith in our all powerful God.

Source unknown

The Miracle

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:05:50 -0500

A little girl went to her bedroom and
pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.

She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three
times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she
slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with
the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention,
but he was too busy at this moment.
Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat
with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a
quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of
voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he
said without waiting for a reply to his question.

'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,'
Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's
really, really sick....and I want to buy a miracle.'

'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist.

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head
and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now.
So how much does a miracle cost?'

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl.
I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough,
I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.'

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man.
He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a
miracle does your brother need?'

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up.
I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an
operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago .

'One dollar
and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audible.

'And it's all the money
I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man.
'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.'

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten
and said 'Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother
and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need.'

That well-dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon,
specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it
wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking
about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle.
I wonder how much it would have cost?'

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a
miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents...plus the faith of a little child.

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need.

A
miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.
I know you'll keep the ball moving!

Here it goes.. Throw it back to
someone who means something to you!

A ball is a circle, no beginning, no
end. It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends. But the treasure inside
for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

Today
I pass the friendship ball to you.

Pass it on to someone who is a friend
to you.

MY OATH TO YOU...

When you are sad......I will dry your
tears.

When you are scared.....I will comfort your fears.

When
you are worried......I will give you hope.

When you are confused.......I
will help you cope.

And when you are lost...and can't see the light, I
shall be your beacon...shining ever so bright.

This is my oath.....I
pledge till the end.

Why you may ask?....Because you're my friend.

Signed: GOD

Our Personal Adventures, Before And After...

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:42:11 -0500

Looking back, I've had different stages and different cycles in my sobriety. These past three or four years have been particularly interesting because I've taken journeys to the far side of the world -- Vietnam, Thailand, Singapore, Indonesia, etc. As a matter of fact, just last week I returned from five months "away."

The exploration and experiencing of the various cultures has been fascinating, to say the least. According to some definitions, they've even been "spiritual" endeavors -- expansive of mind, body and soul.

What's been equally as interesting is the reaction that I've gotten at meetings. Generally it's a blank or dismissive look, as if to say, "What the heck is this guy talking about?" Or, "You're going where?"

But more often than not, I'm afraid to say, the reaction has been negative. Which is to say, discouraging of these trips, not encouraging. In fact, I think more AA members in toto have warned me of endangering my myself and my sobriety than otherwise, and hinted me toward more meetings.

If it wasn't for my being involved with the Loner/Internationalist Program of AA (Yes, it's an official part of the Program, with its own office at the GSO, which I have been to)...if it wasn't for this, as weak as I can be sometimes, I might even have yielded to the naysayers.

So off I went to S.E. Asia and Central America and more, three years in a row now...talk about adventures, adventures in sobriety...you know, echoing of the words in How It Works..."our personal adventures, before and after..."

Just to give an idea, after emerging from the jungles of Borneo in the Central Pacific I sought out an AA Loner there and the two of us had a meeting in Kuching (city of the cats). Similarly, while hopping through the Philippines I sought out another Loner, who rents out beach-type digs on Siagrao Island. I stayed in a hutch with a thatched roof for a week and we had one-on-ones every day.

These were in addition to regular-type meetings in Hong Kong, Saigon, Chiang Mai and so on. And when I couldn't make such get-togethers I did just what I'm doing now -- write somebody, just like loners have done in AA for seventy-plus years.

I tell people, if you work the steps you can walk freely about the earth. You can go where your life takes you. If you have an itch, scratch it.

On the other hand, if that's all you do is go to meetings...well, you better keep going to a lot of meetings. Because that's all you're going to have -- a program of going to meetings. It may work, but in the long run it's a formula for a very limited and very limiting type of sobriety.

At any rate, I've kept a travel blog, if anyone's interested. Fifty-two entries, accompanied by color photos. Scattered throughout are shots of meeting places in some of the fifteen countries I've visited.

I see Scaredtykat here and there and bore her with this regularly, so now I figure it's the rest of your turns. Ha, ha. Here's the ink: http://www.getjealous.com/mordoman

Any other globe trekkers out there, Happy Trails!...Day At A Time.

ORIGINAL 1938 MULTILITH MANUSCRIPT

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 12:46:52 -0500

FOREWORD

We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW THEY CAN RECOVER is the main purpose of this book. For them, we think these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We hope this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not yet comprehend that he is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our new way of living has its advantages for all.

It is important that we remain anonymous because we are too few, at present, to handle the overwhelming number of personal appeals which will result from this publication. Being mostly business or professional folk we could not well carry on our occupations in such an event. We would like it clearly understood that our alcoholic work is an avocation only, so that when writing or speaking publicly about alcoholism, we urge each of our Fellowship to omit his personal name, designating himself instead as "A Member of Alcoholics Anonymous."

Very earnestly we ask the press also, to observe this request, for otherwise we shall be greatly handicapped.

We are not an organization in the conventional sense of the word. There are no fees nor dues whatsoever. The only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking. We are not allied with any particular faith, sect or denomination, nor do we oppose anyone. We simply wish to be helpful to those who are afflicted.

We shall be interested to hear from those who are getting results from this book, particularly from those who have commenced work with other alcoholics. We shall try to contact such cases.

Inquiry by scientific, medical and religious societies will be welcomed. (This multilith volume will be sent upon receipt of $3.50, and the printed book will be mailed, at no additional cost, as soon as published.)

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THE DOCTOR'S OPINION

We of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. Convincing testimony must surely come from medical men who have had experience with the sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health. A well known doctor, chief physician at a nationally prominent hospital specializing in alcoholic and drug addiction, gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter:

[Ed: Letter dated July 27, 1938 ]

To Whom It May Concern:

I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years.

About four years ago I attended a patient who, though he had been a competent business man of good earning capacity, was an alcoholic of a type I had come to regard as hopeless.

In the course of his third treatment he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics, impressing upon them that they must do likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship of these men and their families. This man and over one hundred others appear to have recovered.

I personally know thirty of these cases who were of the type with whom other methods had failed completely.

These facts appear to be of extreme medical importance; because of the extraordinary possibilities of rapid growth inherent in this group they mark a new epoch in the annals of alcoholism. These men may well have a remedy for thousands of such situations.

You may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves.

Very truly yours,
(Signed)- - - - - M. D.

The physician who, at our request, gave us this letter, has been kind enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows. In this statement he confirms what anyone who has suffered alcoholic torture must believe - that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. It does not satisfy us to be told that we cannot control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.

The doctor's theory that we have a kind of allergy to alcohol interests us. As laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as ex-alcoholics, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many

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things for which we cannot otherwise account.

Though we work out our solution on the spiritual plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged. More often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer.

The doctor writes:

The subject presented in this book seems to me to be of paramount importance to those afflicted with alcoholic addiction.

I say this after many years' experience as Medical Director of one of the oldest hospitals in the country treating alcoholic and drug addiction.

There was, therefore, a sense of real satisfaction when I was asked to contribute a few words on a subject which is covered in such masterly detail in these pages.

We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultra-modern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge.

About four years ago one of the leading contributors to this book came under our care in this hospital and while here he acquired some ideas which he put into practical application at once.

Later, he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to other patients here and perhaps with some misgiving, we consented. The cases we have followed through have been most interesting; in fact, many of them are amazing. The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit, is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death.

Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure, before psychological measures can be of maximum benefit.

We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives.

If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholics we appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us a while on the firing line, see

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the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children; let the solving of these problems become a part of their daily work, and even of their sleeping moments, and the most cynical will not wonder that we have accepted and encouraged this movement. We feel, after many years of experience, that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the community movement now growing up among them.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks - drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

On the other hand - and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand - once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.

Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal: "Doctor, I cannot go on like this! I have everything to live for! I must stop, but I cannot! You must help me!"

Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy. Although he gives all that is in him, it often is not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change. Though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is perhaps considerable, we physicians must admit we have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach.

I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a mental condition. I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal which was to be settled on a certain date, favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met. These men were not drinking to escape; they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control.

There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving which cause men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight.

The classification of alcoholics seems most difficult, and in much detail is outside the scope of this book. There are, of course, the constitutional psychopaths who are emotionally unstable. We are all familiar with this type. They are always "going on the wagon for keeps." They are over-remorseful and make many resolutions, but never a decision.

Then there are those who are never properly adjusted to life, who are the so-called neurotics. The prognosis of this type is unfavorable.

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There is the type of man who is unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his environment. There is the type who always believes that after being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time he can take a drink without danger. There is the manic-depressive type, who is, perhaps, the least understood by his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.

Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect alcohol has upon them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people.

All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

This immediately precipitates us into a seething caldron of debate. Much has been written pro and con, but among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed.

What is the solution? Perhaps I can best answer this by relating an experience of two years ago.

About one year prior to this experience a man was brought in to be treated for chronic alcoholism. He had but partially recovered from a gastric hemorrhage and seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. He had lost everything worth while in life and was only living, one might say, to drink. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope. Following the elimination of alcohol, there was found to be no permanent brain injury. He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended. From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment. I talked with him for some time, but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a stranger, and so he left me. More than three years have now passed with no return to alcohol.

When I need a mental uplift, I often think of another case brought in by a physician prominent in New York City. The patient had made his own diagnosis, and deciding his situation hopeless, had hidden in a deserted barn determined to die. He was rescued by a searching party, and, in desperate condition, brought to me. Following his physical rehabilitation, he had a talk with me in which he frankly stated he thought the treatment a waste of effort, unless I could assure him, which no one ever had, that in the future he would have the "will power" to resist the impulse to drink.

His alcoholic problem was so complex, and his depression so great, that we felt his only hope would be through what we then called "moral psychology", and we doubted if even that would have any effect.

However, he did become "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has not had a drink for more than three years. I see him now and then and he is as fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet.

I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray.

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Chapter One

BILL'S STORY

War fever ran high in the New England town to which we new, young officers from Plattsburg were assigned, and we were flattered when the first citizens took us to their homes, making us feel heroic. Here was love, applause, war; moments sublime with hilarious intervals. I was part of life at last, and in the midst of the excitement I discovered liquor. I forgot the strong warnings and the prejudices of my people concerning drink. In time we sailed for "Over There". I was very lonely and again turned to alcohol.

We landed in England. I visited Winchester Cathedral. Much moved, I wandered outside. My attention was caught by a doggerel on an old tombstone:

"Here lies a Hampshire Grenadier
Who caught his death
Drinking cold small beer
A good soldier is ne'er forgot
Whether he dieth by musket
Or by pot."

Ominous warning - - which I failed to heed.

Twenty-two, and a veteran of foreign wars, I went home at last. I fancied myself a leader, for had not the men of my battery given me a special token of appreciation? My talent for leadership, I imagined, would place me at the head of vast enterprises which I would manage with utmost assurance.

I took a night law course, and obtained employment as investigator for a surety company. The drive for success was on. I'd prove to the world I was important. My work took me about Wall Street and little by little I became interested in the market. Many people lost money - but some became very rich. Why not I? I studied economics and business as well as law. Potential alcoholic that I was, I nearly failed my law course. At one of the finals I was too drunk to think or write. Though my drinking was not yet continuous, it disturbed my wife. We had long talks when I would still her forebodings by telling her that men of genius conceived their best projects when drunk; that the most majestic constructions of philosophic thought were so derived.

By the time I had completed the course, I knew the law was not for me. The inviting maelstrom of Wall Street had me in its grip. Business and financial leaders were my heroes. Out of this alloy of drink and speculation, I commenced to forge the weapon that one day would turn in its flight like a boomerang and all but cut me to ribbons. Living modestly, my wife and I saved $1, 000. It went into certain securities then cheap and rather unpopular. I rightly imagined that they would some day have a great rise. I failed to persuade my broker friends to send me out looking over factories and managements, but my wife and I decided to go anyway. I had developed a theory that most people lost money in stocks through ignorance of markets. I discovered many more reasons later on.

We gave up our positions and off we roared on a motorcycle, the sidecar stuffed with tent, blankets, change of clothes, and three huge volumes of a financial reference service. Our friends thought a lunacy commission should be appointed. Perhaps

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they were right. I had had some success at speculation, so we had a little money, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small capital. That was the last honest manual labor on my part for many a day. We covered the the whole eastern United States in a year. At the end of it, my reports to Wall Street procured me a position there and the use of a large expense account. The exercise of an option brought in more money, leaving us with a profit of several thousand dollars for that year.

For the next few years fortune threw money and applause my way. I had arrived. My judgment and ideas were followed by many to the tune of paper millions. The great boom of the late twenties was seething and swelling. Drink was taking an important and exhilarating part in my life. There was loud talk in the jazz places uptown. Everyone spent in thousands and chattered in millions. Scoffers could scoff and be damned. I made a host of fair-weather friends.

My drinking assumed more serious proportions, continuing all day and almost every night. The remonstrances of my friends terminated in a row and I become a lone wolf. There were many unhappy scenes in our sumptuous apartment. There had been no real infidelity, for loyalty to my wife, helped at times by extreme drunkenness, kept me out of those scrapes.

In 1929 I contracted golf fever. We went at once to the country, my wife to applaud while I started out to overtake Walter Hagen. Liquor caught up with me much faster than I came up behind Walter. I began to be jittery in the morning. Golf permitted drinking every day and every night. It was fun to carom around the exclusive course which had inspired such awe in me as a lad. I acquired the impeccable coat of tan one sees upon the well-to-do. The local banker watched me whirl fat checks in and our of his till with amused skepticism.

Abruptly in October 1929 hell broke loose on the New York stock exchange. After one of those days of inferno, I wobbled from a hotel bar to a brokerage office. It was eight o'clock - five hours after the market closed. The ticker still clattered. I was staring at an inch of the tape which bore the inscription PKF-32. It had been 52 that morning. I was finished and so were many friends. The papers reported men jumping to death from the towers of High Finance. That disgusted me. I would not jump. I went back to the bar. My friends had dropped several million since ten o'clock - so what? Tomorrow was another day. As I drank, the old fierce determination to win came back.

Next morning I telephoned a friend in Montreal. He had plenty of money left and thought I had better go to Canada. By the following spring we were living in our accustomed to style. I felt like Napoleon returning from Elba. No St. Helena for me! But drinking caught up with me again and my generous friend had to let me go. This time we stayed broke.

We went to live with my wife's parents. I found a job; then lost it as the result of a brawl with a taxi driver. Mercifully, no one could guess that I was to have no real employment for five years, or hardly draw a sober breath. My wife began to work in a department store, coming home exhausted to find me drunk. I became an unwelcome hanger-on at brokerage places.

Liquor ceased to be a luxury; it became a necessity. "Bathtub" gin, two bottles a day, and often three, got to be routine. Sometimes a small deal would net a few hundred dollars, and I would pay my bills at the bars and delicatessens. This went on endlessly, and I began to waken very early in the morning shaking violently. A tumbler full of gin followed by half a dozen bottles of beer would be required if I were to eat any breakfast. Nevertheless, I still thought I could control the situation, and there were periods of sobriety which renewed my wife's hope.

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Gradually things got worse. The house was taken over by the mortgage holder, my mother-in-law died, my wife and father-in-law became ill.

Then I got a promising business opportunity. Stocks were at the low point of 1932, and I had somehow formed a group to buy. I was to share generously in the profits. Then I went on a prodigious bender, and that chance vanished.

I woke up. This had to be stopped. I saw I could not take so much as one drink. I was through forever. Before then, I had written lots of sweet promises, but my wife happily observed that this time I meant business. And so I did.

Shortly afterward I came home drunk. There had been no fight. Where had been my high resolve? I simply didn't know. It hadn't even come to mind. Someone had pushed a drink my way, and I had taken it. Was I crazy? I began to wonder, for such an appalling lacks of perspective seemed near being just that.

Renewing my resolve, I tried again. Some time passed, and confidence began to be replaced by cocksureness. I could laugh at the gin mills. Now I had what it takes! One day I walked into a cafe to telephone. In no time I was beating on the bar asking myself how it happened. As the whiskey rose to my head I told myself I would manage better next time, but I might as well get good and drunk then. And I did.

The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable. The courage to do battle was not there. My brain raced uncontrollably and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity. I hardly dared cross the street, lest I collapse and be run down by an early morning truck, for it was scarcely daylight. An all night place supplied me with a dozen glasses of ale. My writhing nerves were stilled at last. A morning paper told me the market had gone to hell again. Well, so had I. The market would recover, but I wouldn't. That was a hard thought. Should I kill myself? No - not now. Then a mental fog settled down. Gin would fix that. So two bottles, and - oblivion.

The mind and body are marvelous mechanisms, for mine endured this agony for two more years. Sometimes I stole from my wife's slender purse when the morning terror and madness were on me. Again I swayed dizzily before an open window, or the medicine cabinet, where there was poison, cursing myself for a weakling. There were flights from city to country and back, as my wife and I sought escape. Then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish I feared I would burst through my window, sash and all. Somehow I managed to drag my mattress to a lower floor, lest I suddenly leap. A doctor came with a heavy sedative. Next day found me drinking both gin and sedative. This combination soon landed me on the rocks. People feared for my sanity. So did I. I could eat little or nothing when drinking, and I was forty pounds under weight.

My brother-in-law is a physician, and through his kindness I was placed in a nationally-known hospital for the mental and physical rehabilitation of alcoholics. Under the so-called belladonna treatment my brain cleared. Hydrotherapy and mild exercise helped much. Best of all, I met a kind doctor who explained that though certainly selfish and foolish, I had been seriously ill, bodily and mentally.

It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though It often remains strong in other respects. My incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop was explained. Understanding myself now, I fared forth in high hope. For three or four months the goose hung high. I went to town regularly and even made a little money. Surely this was the answer - self-knowledge.

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But it was not, for the frightful day came when I drank once more. The curve of my declining moral and bodily health fell off like a ski-jump. After a time I returned to the hospital. This was the finish, the curtain, it seemed to me. My weary and despairing wife was informed that it would all end with heart failure during delirium tremens, or I would develop a wet brain, perhaps within a year. She would soon have to give me over to the undertaker, or the asylum.

They did not need to tell me. I knew, and almost welcomed the idea. It was a devastating blow to my pride. I, who had thought so well of myself and my abilities, of my capacity to surmount obstacles, was cornered at last. Now I was to plunge into the dark, joining that endless procession of sots who had gone on before. I thought of my poor wife. There had been much happiness after all. What would I not give to make amends. But that was over now.

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.

Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of that first drink, and on Armistice Day 1934, I was off again. Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere, or would stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.

Near the end of that bleak November, I sat drinking in my kitchen. With a certain satisfaction I reflected there was enough gin concealed about the house to carry me through that night and the next day. My wife was at work. I wondered whether I dared hide a full bottle of gin near the head of our bed. I would need it before daylight.

My musing was interrupted by the telephone. The cheery voice of an old school friend asked if he might come over. HE WAS SOBER. It was years since I could remember his coming to New York in that condition. I was amazed. Rumor had it that he had been committed for alcoholic insanity. I wondered how he had escaped. Of course he would have dinner, and then I could drink openly with him. Unmindful of his welfare, I thought only of recapturing the spirit of other days. There was that time we had chartered an airplane to complete a jag! His coming was an oasis in this drear desert of futility. The very thing - an oasis! Drinkers are like that.

The door opened and he stood there, fresh-skinned and glowing. There was something about his eyes. He was inexplicably different. What had happened?

I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it. Disappointed but curious, I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn't himself.

"Come, what's all this about?" I queried.

He looked straight at me. Simply, but smilingly, he said, "I've got religion."

I was aghast. So that was it - last summer an alcoholic crackpot; now, I suspected, a little cracked about religion. He had that starry-eyed look. Yes, the old boy was on fire all right. But bless his heart, let him rant! Besides, my gin would last longer than his preaching.

But he did no ranting. In a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared

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in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. They had told of a simple religious idea and a practical program of action. That was two months ago and the result was self evident. It worked!

He had come to pass his experience along to me - if I cared to have it. I was shocked, but interested. Certainly I was interested. I had to be, for I was hopeless.

He talked for hours. Childhood memories rose before me. I could almost hear the sound of the preacher's voice as I sat, on still Sundays, way over there on the hillside; there was that proffered temperance pledge I never signed; my grandfather good natured contempt of some church folk and their doings; his insistence that the spheres really had their music; but his denial of the preacher's right to tell him how he must listen; his fearlessness as he spoke of these things just before he died; these recollections welled up from the past. They made me swallow hard.

That war-time day in old Winchester Cathedral came back again.

I had always believed in a power greater than myself. I had often pondered these things. I was not an atheist. Few people really are, for that means blind faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher, and aimlessly rushes nowhere. My intellectual heroes, the chemists, the astronomers, even the evolutionists, suggested vast laws and forces at work. Despite contrary indications, I had little doubt that a mighty purpose and rhythm underlay all. How could there be so much of precise and immutable law, and no intelligence? I simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor limitation. But that was as far as I had gone.

With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory.

To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching - most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.

The wars which had been fought, the burnings and chicanery that religious dispute had facilitated, made me sick. I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good. Judging from what I had seen in Europe and since, the power of God in human affairs was negligible, the Brotherhood of Man a grim jest. If there was a Devil, he seemed the Boss Universal, and he certainly had me.

But my friend sat before me, and he made the point-blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known!

Had this power originated in him? Obviously it had not. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute; and this was none at all.

That floored me. It began to look as though religious people were right after all. Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the impossible. My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then. Never mind the musty past; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He shouted great tidings.

Page 6.

I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on a different footing. His roots grasped a new soil.

Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans, when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.

The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me. For a brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me - and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been.

At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens. I have not had a drink since.

There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch.

My school mate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability.

I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.

My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of life which answered all my problems. Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements.

Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.

These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound.

For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as I talked.

Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it. Anything is better than the way you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences. He knows they are real.

While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hope-

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less alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others.

My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of my demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others, as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and it he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that.

My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems. It was fortunate, for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half, during which I found little work. I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink. I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going.

We commenced to make many fast friends and a fellowship has grown up among us of which it is a wonderful thing to feel a part. The joy of living we really have, even under pressure and difficulty. I have seen one hundred families set their feet in the path that really goes somewhere; have seem the most impossible domestic situations righted; feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped out. I have seen men come out of asylums and resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us. In one Western city and its environs there are eighty of us and our families. We meet frequently at our different homes, so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek. At these informal gatherings one may often see from 40 to 80 persons. We are growing in numbers and power.

An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature. Our struggles with them are variously strenuous, comic, and tragic. One poor chap committed suicide in my home. He could not, or would not, see our way of life.

There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity. But just underneath there is deadly earnestness. God has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish.

Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia, nor even for Heaven. We have it with us right here and now. Each day that simple talk in my kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will to men.

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Chapter Two

THERE IS A SOLUTION

We, of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know one hundred men who were once just as hopeless as Bill. All have recovered. They have solved the drink problem.

We are ordinary Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck, when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

The tremendous fact for every one of us that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer alcoholism.

An illness of this sort - and we have come to believe it an illness - involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents - anyone can increase the list.

This volume will inform, instruct and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. They are many.

Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us (often fruitlessly, we are afraid) find it almost impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

But the ex-alcoholic who has found this solution, who is properly armed with certain medical information, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of holier than thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured - these are the conditions we have found necessary. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.

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None of us makes a vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of the liquor problem is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all of their time to the work.

If we keep on the way we are going there is little doubt that much good will result, but the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day, Many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed. How then shall we present that which has been so freely given us?

We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This ought to suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.

Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. We are aware that these matters are, from their very nature, controversial. Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-alcoholics, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking - "What do I have to do?"

It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done. Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them.

How many times people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

Now, these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit bad enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may ever need medical attention.

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But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

Here is the Fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the days when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him a dose of morphine or some high-voltage sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.

This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.

Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Psychiatrists and medical men vary considerably in their opinion as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. No one is sure why, once a certain point is reached, nothing can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.

We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm that.

These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the real problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of theme really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound to you like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beat him self on the head with a hammer so that he couldn't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.

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Once in a while he may tell you the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, some day, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.

How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully waits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.

The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day will seldom arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times, no matter how well we understand ourselves, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy, and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond all human aid, and unless locked up, is certain to die, or go permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been one hundred more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop, but cannot.

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, of which we had not even dreamed.

The great fact is just this, and nothing less: that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences, which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

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If you are seriously alcoholic, we believe you have no middle-of-the-road solution. You are in a position where life is becoming impossible, and if you have passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, you have but two alternatives: one is to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of your intolerable situation as best you can; and the other, to find what we have found. This you can do if you honestly want to, and are willing to make the effort.

A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character. For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. He had consulted the best known American psychiatrists. Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician who prescribed for him. Though bitter experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs, that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. He wished above all things to regain self-control. He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. Why was this?

He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the doctor's judgement he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key, or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was a great physician's opinion.

But this man still lives, and is a free man. He does not need a bodyguard, nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go with out disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.

Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor.

The doctor said: "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.

He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?"

"Yes, " replied the doctor, "there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. With many individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description."

Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that his religious convictions were very good, but that in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.

Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the

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extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man. We, in our turn, sought the same escape, will all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living that really works.

The distinguished American psychologist, William James, in his book, "Varieties of Religious Experience, " indicates a multitude of ways in which men have found God. As a group, we have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which God can be discovered. If what we have learned, and felt, and seen, means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed or color, are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies. There is no friction among us over such matters.

We think it no concern of ours, as a group, what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past association, or his present choice. Not all of us have joined religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.

In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. Many who once were in this class are now among our members; surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience.

There is a group of personal narratives. Then clear-cut directions are given showing how an alcoholic may recover. These are followed by more than a score of personal experiences.

Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language, and from his own point of view the way he found or rediscovered God. These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives.

We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing."

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Chapter Three

MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, had to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who had lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovered this control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it evidently hasn't done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore non-alcoholic. If anyone, who is showing inability to control his drinking, can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried: drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, consulting psychologists, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.

We do not like to brand any individual as an alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It will be worth a bad case of jitters if you get thoroughly sold on the idea that you are a candidate for Alcoholics Anonymous!

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Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop because of an overpowering desire to do so. Here is one.

A man of thirty was doing a great deal of spree drinking. He was very nervous in the morning after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor. He was ambitious to succeed in business, but saw that he would get nowhere if he drank at all. Once he started, he had no control whatever. He made up his mind that until he had been successful in business and had retired, he would not touch another drop. An exceptional man, he remained bone dry for twenty-five years, and retired at the age of fifty-five, after a successful and happy business career. Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has - that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. In two months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. He tried to regulate his drinking for a while, making several trips to the hospital meantime. Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop, and found he could not. Every means of solving his problem which money could buy was at his disposal. Every attempt failed. Though a robust man at retirement, he went to pieces quickly, and was dead within four years.

This case contains a powerful lesson. Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again; "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If you are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday you will be immune to alcohol.

Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they can stop as he did, on their own will power. We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. Several of our crowd, men of thirty-five or less, had been drinking but a few years, but they found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.

To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time, nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potenti

Just For Today Meditations For Month Of March

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:16:36 -0500

March 01, 2010
Anxiety attack?
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"My Higher Power has not brought me all this way in recovery only to abandon me! When anxiety strikes, I will take specific steps to seek God's continuing care and guidance."

Ever had a panic attack? Everywhere we turn, life's demands overwhelm us. We're paralyzed, and we don't know what to do about it. How do we break an anxiety attack?

First, we stop. We can't deal with everything at once, so we stop for a moment to let things settle. Then we take a "spot inventory" of the things that are bothering us. We examine each item, asking ourselves this question: "How important is it, really?" In most cases, we'll find that most of our fears and concerns don't need our immediate attention. We can put those aside, and focus on the issues that really need to be resolved right away. Then we stop again and ask ourselves, "Who's in control here, anyway?" This helps remind us that our Higher ftwer is in control. We seek our Higher Power's will for the situation, whatever it is. We can do this in any number of ways: through prayer, talks with our sponsor or NA friends, or by attending a meeting and asking others to share their experience. When our Higher Power's will becomes clear to us, we pray for the ability to carry it out. Finally, we take action.

Anxiety attacks need not paralyze us. We can utilize the resources of the NA program to deal with anything that comes our way.

Just for Today: [The] Power that brought us to this program is still with us and will continue to guide us if we allow it.

Basic Text, p. 26

Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous©

TO A LIFE BEYOND

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 17:19:35 -0500

To many people, life after death remains an unsolvable mystery. It is far too awesome for them to comprehend. I like to think, however, that it is best understood as something very simple, very natural.

Some years ago I conducted funeral services for Neil Collum, a good friend and a good man. I look at Neil’s casket and I told the people gathered there that Neil Collum was not in that casket; that that was only the body Neil had used on earth; that he himself wasn’t there. And then I shared these thoughts that have always been meaningful to me, thoughts about God’s love for us: Before Neil was born, when he was in the prenatal state, tucked up under his mother’s heart, he was already sensitive to love--even unborn babies are--and this baby was happy there. But suppose somebody had been able to tell this child, "Look, you can’t stay here. You’re going to be born." That to him would have been death, because it would have meant a change from security to an insecurity. We can imagine the baby thinking, I don’t want to be born. I want to stay here. I like it here. I’m comfortable; I’m fed; I’m loved. But there came a day when that baby was born. He left where he was and came into a new world. And here in this new world he felt loving arms around him, and the 1st thing he saw was a beautiful face looking down at him. Everybody ran at his slightest wish to do just what he wanted.

Then he began to grow up and he had some troubles, some hard knocks. But he loved life and he loved the world. Time passed and he became an old man. And the thought came to him, I’m going to die. He said to himself, "I don’t want to die. I like it here, I love the stars at night. I love to feel the sun on my face. I love the tangy smells of autumn and to sit in front of a fire on winter evenings warming my old bones. I love my family and my friends. I don’t want to die."

But then he did die. Now, do you think God, who provided all that protection and love for his coming into this world and getting started in it, was going to abandon him to gloom and terror when he left it?

"When Neil Collum comes to himself after death," I told Neil’s mourners, "what will he see? I believe he will see the kindest face he can imagine looking at him and feel loving arms around him."

Guideposts, March 1995, Norman Vincent Peale