What Do You Want to Eat Tonight?

[citychik]

Children of alcoholics are likely to be indecisive folk, to feel confused in situations in which we feel confronted. Confronted could mean something as simple as being directly asked, "What do you want to eat tonight?" The indecision is a bit easier to cope with, but the confusion is perplexing. To me it feels like cotton brain, or television snow brain. Just a buzzing and no signal, no information, no clear thoughts. And no access to clarity.

One has to come up with a way to work around this, create some sort of buffer in order to buy enough time to get rid of the television snow in the brain, and locate a signal -- to find calm, to be kind to one's self, to breathe.

I find that the good old, "Let me get back to you on that in just a sec," trick works. I have several versions of that tool that I put to use to buy myself time regularly. You've got to buy yourself time when the television snow brain hits, when indecision hits, because when it does we have a choice: freak out and recoil/say what someone else wants, or deal with it and help yourself. I like the help yourself route, but I've spent years taking the first route. It's so, so important to figure out those answers, even the simple ones. Actually, the little ones are the most important.

Our growth relies on our ability to uncover our true self. Our growth relies on our introducing that true self to others.

What do you want to eat tonight? Take as much time as you need, but figure it out.

It is hard for us to stand up for ourselves. The little things and the big things. The movie we really want to see, the relationships we suspect is not really right for us. Why? Why is it so hard, threatening even, or emotionally scary for us to stand up for what we want, like, don't like, and what we think?

We believe the illusion that we're connected to others in ways that we aren't; subconsciously we believe that our decisions will affect others, that there's a dependent rather than a healthy independent or interdependent relationship between us and others. We let this years old illusion instilled by our parents (only because they were taught this by their parents) guide and control us and suppress our honest, true expression of our opinions, preferences, and needs.

Sometimes it seems like a very old part in a very old play that we're enacting, as puppets, one for which there is no audience left to witness; we're playing the part of daughter or son of an addict, but rather than playing opposite our father or mother, now we're imposing our practiced role on our girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife. We don't want to, we don't mean to. But, now, how do we wake ourselves up, how do we get perspective for a lengthy moment, long enough to see ourselves objectively?

To live, to wake up, it's paramount to cut free from that play, to become conscious. You could spend years upset with your parents. You could spend years getting to know your truth, who your true self is, and expressing it. What do you want to eat tonight? What's your favorite sport? Who are you, what's your truth? How do you want to spend your time?

[Rusty Zipper]

dont ever take me to a Dinner

the menu makes me crazed!

[Butterfly Woman]

I was going to reply but I can't decide which I was going to say

I wanted to go to the movie..but then roller skating would be nice but the flowers are so pretty maybe I'll go look at them and did I want eggs or just a bagel and do I want to turn on the TV or just listen to the radio or am I going to take a nap?
Oh..I can't decide

[WLDKATZ]

City that is so right, I make Edward so damn made cuse I dont just decide........sometimes it really ticks me off, I remember when I used to be in charge and do what I wanted screw the cost about all things...........now indecisions is all I have in my life!!!!

[citychik]

Kat, my hubby is one of us and we have long discussions about who's going to decide what we're going to have for dinner. It can get quite stressful and tempers get frayed...it'd be sad if it wasn't so funny.

I'm amazed we get to eat at all.

[NorwalkPhil]

One of the problems with my (present) marriage is (my perception) that my wife can't make a simple decision about where to go the dinner, what color to paint the house, etc. But in actuality, she's simply content with her life as it is and all of those things are gravy (she's not an alcoholic like me...).

[Rusty Zipper]

well said phil...

i know, and see loads of people that dont have the WWBS (Wired Wrong at Birth Syndrome)

i see it most in the questions that they ask, questions i wouldn't think of asking...

and at times, it gets me frustrated...

[Barefoot]

make me a sammich

[NorwalkPhil]

(05-01-2009 04:52 PM)Barefoot Wrote:  make me a sammich

That's good too.

[Coffeebreath]

Growing up I was introduced to everything, I was eating artichokes when I was 3, my mother made me sandwiches with liverwurst and cheese, my grandfather taught me how to fish and we'd catch catfish, shad, and trout and then we'd eat them that night. My uncle's garden was overflowing with squash, lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, radishes...I would go into his garden pick a cucumber, rub off the dirt and chomp on it. My grandmother cultivated blueberry bushes, so whenever I visited my grandfather would make blueberry pancakes and we'd have real maple syrup.

When I was married it was always pretty simple, turkey chilli with rice or pasta, or pasta with turkey meatsauce. I was never a picky eater, however my wife was a different story. My wife doesn't eat fish or eggs. She doesn't eat sandwiches. She doesn't like most soups. She doesn't like blueberries or real maple syrup. (why were we married?)

When I go out to dinner I usually don't have any trouble trying to decide what I want (especially if it's the type of restaurant that has mostly sauces with alcohol) , however every now and then I won't be able to decide what I want. Then I just close my eyes, wiggle my finger and point.